Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave (2005) directed by Ellory Elkayem.
(Proposed Title: “Oh sweet Zombie Jesus, not again…”)
Starring Cory Hardrict, Aimee-Lynn Chadwick, John Keefe, Claudiu Bleont and Sorin Cocis.
Zombie Film Rating:

“Two words, Situational Awareness”

Teaser: Offering a commentary on the dangers of recreational drug use this, the fifth in the “Return of the Living Dead” franchise, details the struggles of the survivors from ROTLD4 to identify the contents of suspicous barrels located in an attic, then to contain a zombie outbreak caused by their friends efforts to transform Trioxin5 into pill form for consumption by unsuspecting college students. Help is offered in the form of two generic Eastern-block Interpol agents that are unfunny when trying to be comedic, and funny when being serious.

Filmed at the same time as ROTLD4 this effort fares no better. Completly ignoring the rules established in the first of the series, the zombies are now killed with wild abandon, vary between uncommunicative shamblers and garrulous sprinters. Production values are reasonable, but as the bulk of the cast is Eastern European (and seems it) it’s difficult to believe this takes place anywhere but within the former Soviet Union.

“So where is the part where she gets up and goes for the whole brain buffet?” - Soon to expire Evil Henchman #1

“Oh just leave well enough alone…”

Summary: The movie opens with Charles Garrison, the evil Uncle from ROTLD4, selling a barrel of Trioxin5 to some Eastern European generic evil dudes. The bad guys insist on a demonstration, and despite the fact that they are acquiring Trioxin5 specifically for it’s reanimation qualities they fail to exercise basic precautions and end up being consumed by the dead they are testing on. Garrison and a few evil people are killed in the ensuing melee, the only two survivors are Interpols version of MIBs.

We jump now to Ambiguous College where Garrisons nephew Julian is informed of his uncles death, and decides to clean out the attic of the house they shared. He discovers a hidden room in the attic which contains, among other quasi-scientific supplies, two barrels well recognized from previous entries in this series. Yes, Trioxin 5 has reappeared. Despite his involvement in ROTLD4 Julian
decides to figure out what is in the barrels and takes them to his chemist friend on campus.

“God forbid the day when one of those canisters falls in the hands of the deviant mind” - Interpol Agent Aldo Serra

“Oh Great, Frat Zombies!”

Cody, the aspiring chemist determines that the chemical composition is similar to E, hearing this Julians Girlfriends brother Jeremy decides to sample some and experiences hallucinagenic effects (never noted in any of the previous 4 movies). Julian insists the contents be disposed of, but Cody and Jeremy decide there is money to be made, and immediately begin production of a new pill called “Z” (for “Zombie”) which is sold all over the campus by their friend and drug dealer Skeet.

Things proceed predictably from this point. It seems that one pill of “Z” causes a person to transform into a zombie slowly, while 3 causes an almost immediate transformation. Obviously the campus is suddenly exposed to zombies, and the outbreak continues at a snails pace right up until Jeremys rave where every attendee begins consuming the new drug like they’re M&Ms.

“Whatever this thing is contains traces of Methylene and Petroleum based ether, and even a larger amount of Dioxymethamphetamine!” - Cody

“The memory of Mudman is pimped ineffectively…”

Interpol Agents Aldo and Gino run around in the background conducting the worlds least effective investigation and repeatedly discussing their reward of a trip to “Euro-Disney” should they find the missing Trioxin Barrels. The rave, meanwhile, begins and the zombie population experiences an explosion as ravers either turn due to drugs, or are consumed by those that have. Julian and his girlfriend enter the rave in an effort to prevent the use of the drug “Z” and end up fighting for their survival.

The Interpol Agents have meanwhile decided things are out of control and an assault by a Police Helicopter (with a single machine gunner shooting out the side) is initiated which ends with a missile strike (capable of creating a 30 foot crater, but not knocking down plywood walls immediately beside the blast area) that eliminates all but one hitch-hiking zombie.

“Mister Stinky bit me! Bad Mister Stinky!” - Brad

“Oh irony..I get it…Zombie Vegans…ha.”

Critique: Oh dear. If you’re able to ignore the multitude of plot issues, strong accents and occasional bounds of logic and coincidence then this might not be such an irritating experience. As it stands however the movie feels like a well financed low-budget movie, and doesn’t bring anything new or particularly entertaining to the genre. Worse, it goes further than the previous effort in it’s attempts at humour (most of which fall flat) which cripples the almost negligable sense of impending doom these movies rely on.

We’re never concerned that the zombies will win, we don’t care about the characters, we’re indifferent about the outcome and unimpressed with the action.

Getting the picture here?

The Final Word: Give it a viewing if you’re desperate for a zombie flick, otherwise steer clear. You’re missing nothing here.